S9x15: "A Boy Falling Out Of The Sky" – by Juliana

Original Air Date: February 13, 2003

Sandy hangs up the phone and walks into the living room. Kerry is sitting on the couch, facing the left, staring into an open book. The lights are low, barely bright enough to read by. Both are dressed in casual clothing- Sandy in a black jogging suit and Kerry in a blue zip-up hooded sweater. It's late. They are just ready to eat dinner and wind down for the night.

"Takeout should be here any minute now." Sandy says as she walks toward Kerry.

"Okay." Kerry acknowledges.

"Hey." Sandy smiles as she leans down to kiss Kerry three times on the top of the head, kneading her shoulders. Kerry curls her arm up to squeeze Sandy's shoulder.

"What are you reading?" Sandy asks, her face still resting on Kerry's head.

Kerry has to think about it. "Ah..." She flips through the pages of the book and refers to the cover. "Mansfield Park." We get the impression she's not really into it.

"For, like the forty-fifth time?" Sandy laughs.

"No, just the third time." Kerry shrugs off the teasing with a knowing smile and a wave of her hot pink bookmark.

Sandy walks around the back of the couch, picks up the remote on the way, and points it. "Why read, man, when you got TV?" She sounds exhausted, ready to wind down for the day. She sighs as she sinks into the couch, removes the left running shoe and then the right, dropping each onto the floor. She adjusts the pillows, fluffs them, settling in as Kerry is mobilizing for "the talk."

"You know," Kerry grabs the remote off the coffee table, flicking off the TV as Sandy is picking up her wine glass and crosses her left foot over her right knee. Sandy stares at Kerry, waiting for her to go on.

"I don't, ah..." Kerry crosses her arms over her knees and rocks back and forth a couple times as though gaining momentum. "I don't want to wait." She slaps her own legs decisively and spits the words out. "I think we should try again."

Sandy is still staring at her in what becomes disbelief, and finally looks down and away like it's a sore subject. She sets her wine glass back on the table as she asks, "You feel there's something missing here, Kerry?" She stretches out her arms along the back of the couch and props her feet up.

"Yes," Kerry answers immediately. She takes her reading glasses off and sets them on the table, another nervous gesture. "Yes." She shakes her head for emphasis.

Sandy understands that Kerry has answered a slightly different question than she'd asked. She accepts this is about Kerry, and not about her. She doesn't need to think about it; she's open to the idea. "Okay. Well, are you sure you're ready?" Her voice is filled with concern. Is it too soon?

Kerry has quite a different idea. "I was thinking it should be..." There is a lengthy pause. Kerry seems to lose her nerve. She looks to the side, looks back, thinks a little, and smiles nervously again. "I was thinking it should be you this time."

Sandy's eyes pop out of her head. "Me?" She's never seriously considered this. She looks like she just landed on another planet. and grapples with sanity, shaking her head. "Kerry, honey, listen..." It's just not an option. "You know what I do. I'm the roofman. I can't swing a halligan when I'm six months pregnant." This is pure logic to Sandy.

Kerry had thought of this. "You can take a leave. I mean, you are younger. You'd have a better chance." This too is simple logic, to Kerry.

Sandy isn't angry, but very firm. "Listen. I know I'm supposed to feel I want to carry a baby, but I don't." She expects Kerry to understand this.

Kerry responds emotionally, as if Sandy could only know. "Once the baby is inside of you, it's..." She gestures with clasped hands. It's incredible. I mean it's, it's..."

Sandy cuts her off. "Kerry, I don't want it. I don't want it." Her words are blunt and soundly spoken to spare her partner further misunderstanding. She goes on to defend herself against looming pressure. "I know that makes you feel like that I'm not a... a total woman or something, but..."

"No it doesn't." Kerry stops her with a raised hand. Her eyes are filling with tears. "It doesn't make me feel that." She crosses her arms and looks up and away from Sandy, closing her eyes, wincing as though in pain.

Sandy's edge softens. She didn't want to upset Kerry. She looks away and looks back again, hurting to see Kerry hurting, but not knowing what to do. There is no compromise, not about this. She leans forward and speaks gently. "Babe, listen to me. Listen..." She strokes her hair, her neck, her cheek, and tilts her chin so that they are eye to eye. Kerry doesn't want to look at her but does. "We're being totally honest here. I can't. I'm sorry but I... I can't."

Kerry is listening, but the wheels are still turning. Kerry takes Sandy's face into her hands, and logic gives way to soft-spoken desperation. "Not even for me?"

Sandy pushes Kerry's hands away, flinches from her, her touch, the emotional blackmail. "Don't do that. Come on." She points a finger, but her voice is even. "That's not fair." Sandy is not angry. She knows Kerry knows what she just did was wrong.

Kerry wipes away two tears. "Well none of this is fair, Sandy." Her voice is filled with irrational resentment. She fidgets with her sleeves some more. "None of it is fair." Her face is a mask of displaced anger.

Sandy stares ahead, silently agreeing that it wasn't fair. To either of them. But it also isn't fair to blame her. Defeated, she gets up, muttering, "I'm going to call the takeout guy... should have been here by now."

Kerry stares ahead ruminating, and looks up at the ceiling as the tears begin to fall.

 

 

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