Project #2 - “The Separation”

Timeline: Missing scenes between “A River In Egypt” and “Bygones”
Contributors: Mangababe & Peanut41
Total number of scenes: 2
Rating: R

Disclaimer: All ER characters belong to NBC, Constant C Productions, Amblin Entertainment and Warner Brothers Television. We only lovingly borrowed them for a while. No attempt is made to profit from them.

Scene 1

Thunderstruckby Mangababe

A light rain began to fall as she drove away from the hospital. The feisty firefighter had stopped by County’s ER on her way to work in the hopes that maybe she’d have a reasonable conversation with Kerry. She’d played this game before and she’d be damned if she was going to do it again.

Sandy swore up and down that after Anna she would never end up playing second fiddle in someone else’s life. It wasn’t just the cocaine...that was simply Anna’s way of dealing (or not dealing) with the fear. Fear of being called a dyke, fear of rejection, and fear of people seeing who she really was. She never really got it that Sandy loved her - flaws and all. Sadly, when you have a relationship with an addict, that relationship isn’t just the two of’s between you, her, and the object of her addiction. This girlfriend simply got tired of being less important to Anna than her cocaine or her life.

The firefighter’s brain was humming like static electricity before a lightning strike. Why does it always have to be so difficult? Can’t I find someone who isn’t afraid of who they are? She gripped the steering wheel so tightly that her hands were beginning to cramp.

"Ah, shit!"

Like a thunderclap, Sandy’s thoughts shifted suddenly from the painful memories of Anna, to the true implication of her conversation with Dr. Weaver. Damn you, Kerry. Why couldn’t you just talk to me?

Things had been going so well with the ER doc...until the hockey game. For once she’d hooked up with someone who had a similar adrenaline-junkie, live-or-die job, the type of career that ruined many a good relationship. From the way things had been never occurred to Sandy that the doc might be still in the closet.

"Madre Dios....what have I done?"


"I did you a huge favor, you just don’t know it yet."

The words keep repeating themselves in her head...over and the vain attempt that with repetition will come understanding. All the way home on the El, Kerry’s mind was a whirlwind of jumbled emotions.... anger, fear, dread, shock. Damn it! How could she do that to me? What right did she have? She thinks she did me a favor? In whose world? Who does she think she is? The emotions kept roiling up inside her, blinding her from any form of rational thought. Which was worse...the fear or the anger? One side effect of all the emotional turmoil was the fact that it gave her enough energy to get home. The invincible Dr. Weaver was on the verge of total collapse...physically, emotionally, mentally. It took all the energy and focus Kerry could muster to get through the remainder of the day. She shut herself off from the rest of the staff...barking orders and treating patients. Anything to take her mind off of the events of the afternoon. Romano. Chen. Sandy Lopez.

She couldn’t decide which was worse, the ache in her hip or the ache in her heart, as she carefully climbed the steps to her front door. Soon it wouldn’t and oblivion were now within reach.


The firefighter’s thoughts returned to her late night visitor as she stowed her turnout gear. Kerry had come by the firehouse just as the alarm went off...calling the engine out to a house fire. Oh man, she’s mad as a hornet. And I’m never going to stop hearing about it from the guys. Kerry’s outburst had been in full view of the crew just as the alarm sounded. Sandy knew that Dr. Weaver might be upset at her...hell, she did kiss her girlfriend very passionately in full view of the ER. Make that ex-girlfriend now...she wasn’t sure that she’d ever hear from Kerry again.

Shaking her head to clear away the thoughts, Lopez stumbled her way upstairs. A nice hot shower and a few hours sleep would do nicely, provided that the station alarm stayed silent for the rest of the night.


The shouting match at the 38 wound Kerry up so tight that even a leisurely bath and three fingers of Lagavulin failed to help her relax enough to fall asleep. She kept tossing and turning, battling the constriction of sheets and blankets, unable to shake the invading thoughts from her head. How could she do that to me? What right did she have? She thinks she did me a favor? Yeah right. The anger kept roiling up inside her, like a cauldron that never ran dry. Rolling over once more, her eyes could barely focus on the blurry green numbers.

The LED display of the clock radio on the nightstand read 3:04am. Exactly one minute since the last time she looked at the clock. Tick. Tick. Buzz. Buzz. Kerry’s brain was on overload...synapses desperately trying to keep up with the waves of emotion. She could almost laugh if she wasn’t on the verge of crying. No matter how many times she thought it through, she couldn’t reason herself out of the terror. She was terrified to walk through the Emergency Room doors tomorrow.

The anger seemed to lessen each time she replayed the scene in her head, probably weariness forcing it out of focus. Trying to explain herself to Sandy. Being continually interrupted in her efforts. Following her girlfriend down the hall, in a last ditch attempt to keep her from walking away. Sandy spinning around and kissing her passionately. Finding herself kissing back. Those gorgeous hazel-brown eyes. Her impossibly soft lips. The sudden realization that they were standing in front of the Admit Desk in her ER. "Good-bye Dr. Weaver." Who the hell do you think you are?

What was it? Did she have a sign on her forehead that reads "KISS ME"...visible to anyone with working gaydar? After all this wasn’t the first time she’d been ambushed by a kiss at the hospital. The first time was a little over a year ago, when Kim surprised her in the Lounge. The fallout from that kiss turned Kerry’s world inside-out and upside-down. It was like a blond tornado swept in (and just as quickly out) of her life, carving a swath of wreckage a mile wide. Residual feelings of regret resurfaced. Hey, might as well join the party. Nothing but us cowards here. She was once again reminded that she had let fear ruin that relationship.

This time the fallout from Sandy’s passionate kiss was likely to be grist for the rumor mill for the next week or so. That, and the end of yet another relationship doomed by her own fears.

Whether she was ready or not, The Doctor was (definitely) Out. By noon tomorrow she could be fairly sure that everyone would know that Weaver’s a lesbian. Damn it, Sandy! Why? Did you do it out of spite? Just to prove your point? No...she simply can’t believe her girlfriend would do that to deliberately hurt her. Why the hell not? The voice in her head snaps back.

The intrusive thoughts of her first female lover, whirled themselves into the current maelstrom. Their presence in the mix shifted in her head, butting up against the anger and fear. Kerry sat up in bed and turned on the small light on the bedside table. She wasn’t having any luck trying to sleep...might as well read. The lamp’s faint glow was enough lumination for the doctor to see herself in the mirror across the room. Suddenly, she realized that she didn’t like the image in the mirror...she was and still is a coward. Not a term usually used to describe Dr. Kerry Weaver, Chief of Emergency Medicine. Alpha-bitch of the ER.

Like debris thrown from a funnel cloud, a thought appeared in her head. It wasn’t the kiss itself that made her mad...hell, she’d willingly kissed Sandy back. Rather, it was the loss of control that really infuriated her. Her gorgeous firefighter girlfriend had taken the choice away from her. It should have been her decision to come out. Too late for that, eh, Dr. Weaver?


Sandy lay in her bunk, unable to fall asleep. She felt awful. It wasn’t the adrenaline rush from a big fire keeping her awake. It was the slowly creeping regret of her hasty actions that kept sleep at bay. She hugged herself as if to ward off the cold and snuggled deeper under the covers.

The latina had never been one to pull punches, but this time she really hadn’t given any thought to the backlash she’d create with her actions. As a firefighter, inaction nearly always led to disaster. But...the redheaded doctor wasn’t a fire that needed putting out...instead, her only intention was to communicate to Kerry just how passionately she cared for her. Was she successful? Probably not...thinking back to the events of the afternoon, Sandy realized that by showing her girlfriend how much she cared for her; she also disrespected her feelings by outing her to her co-workers. Quite a mixed message, eh? What are you going to do about it, girlfriend? Should I even bother with trying to apologize? Will she even speak to me now...? As the questions continued to play out in her mind, Sandy Lopez could be sure of only one thing. That her attempt to convey the depth of her feelings also put the entire relationship at risk.


Scene 2

Valentine’s Dayby Peanut41

2:43 AM

So many nights of sleeplessness are taking their toll on Kerry. A veteran insomniac, Kerry has tried every weapon in her arsenal to quiet the voices in her mind. She has mentally listed all 50 states and their capitols-- in alphabetical order-- then all of the European nations and their capitols. She now tries to imagine that her mind is a completely empty room, devoid of all thoughts, images, light, and sounds. This last trick seems to work, but only to a point. As soon as Kerry drifts off to sleep, at the moment when her conscious mind surrenders to her unconscious, she feels the overwhelming presence of another in the room and awakens with a start.

4:19 AM

The green glow of the alarm clock's digital display casts eerie shadows across the bedroom and the visions they create for Kerry are like a Rorshach test. The slats of the sleigh bed's footboard have become prison bars against the bedroom wall. A blouse tossed casually over a chair is now the hooded figure of the Grim Reaper. The low electric hum of the clock seems deafening against the utter silence of the room. Kerry knows there will be no sleep for her again tonight. She rises from the bed, draws her robe around her, slips her arm into the crutch that leans against the nightstand, and makes her way to the bathroom to get ready for work. She has to try to fill her mind with a different kind of noise.


8:35 AM

"So, d'ja get a little somethin' somethin' this morning for Valentine's Day, Mr. Romance?" Gilroy feigns a punch to Jeffries' stomach and Jeffries pretends the imaginary blow has doubled him over. The firefighter straightens up and chuckles. "Wouldn't you like to know, pervert. All I'm gonna say is the song got it wrong - Diamonds are a guy's best friend!" Jeffries leers at Gilroy and the two men burst into laughter. Sandy steps from behind the engine where she has been loading hose and glares at the men. "You two got somethin' to do?", she snaps. "'Cause if you don't, I'm sure I can find something." Both men stop laughing immediately. "Sorry, Lou," Gilroy mutters. "Didn't see you there." The men walk past Sandy without looking in her eyes. As they reach the door of the dayroom, Sandy can hear Gilroy ask, "Shit, what's her problem?" Jeffries answer, "She must not of bought her diamonds." Peals of renewed laughter echo off the garage walls until the dayroom door shuts with a soft click. Sandy is alone.

10:21 AM

Valentine's Day. Sandy is remembering how in the early years with Anna she would plan Valentine's Days of elaborate romance, only to have Anna dismiss the day, and her efforts, as merely an homage to American hyper consumerism on a fake holiday invented by Hallmark and See's. Later, when the drugs had made her paranoid, Anna would accuse Sandy of using her declarations of love as a weapon to try to inflict guilt. After that... Well, there was no 'after that'. Other women, other relationships would follow her breakup with Anna. But for various reasons - denial, miscommunication, indifference - each subsequent Valentine's Day would pass by unacknowledged until, in time, the day held no special significance for Sandy. Until Kerry. Until loving Kerry had breathed new life and new possibilities into what had become just another date on the calendar. Sandy had started to make plans for this day in early January. She'd decided to take the day off. It would be a day that Kerry would remember for the rest of her life. But now...
Bells clang. The 38 is being called out.


2:33 PM

"Oh, for God's sake! Just give me the chart, I'll do it myself!" Kerry snatches the chart from Haleh's hands and ignores the glare that might have withered someone who cared. Kerry is losing all patience for the seemingly endless parade of deliverymen bearing floral sprays and balloon bouquets covered with Care Bears and Winnie the Pooh. Apparently it is essential that each and every nurse stop to "ooh" and "aah" over each and every delivery. It's interfering with the flow of work and it's unprofessional...and Kerry is still angry with herself - Angry that her heart had beat a little faster when the first few deliverymen had begun to arrive. Angry that she'd already decided on a reaction -- amused nonchalance --should one of them approach the nurse's station and ask, "Is there a Dr. Weaver here?"

4:20 PM

Kerry looks into the eyes that stare back at her from the ladies room mirror. They are sunken and ringed in dark circles. Her skin has a sickly pallor beneath the fluorescent lights - she looks like hell. Kerry has already been at the hospital for nearly eleven hours without a break and has just agreed to cover for Carter until 10. She's exhausted but she can't go home. Nothing waits for her there but the voices in her head and another sleepless night. How much longer will it hurt like this? She's afraid of the answer.


6:52 PM

Sandy tries to convince the Captain to let her work a double, insisting that she's okay, but her uncharacteristic irritability has him concerned. Cap is a decent, caring man and Sandy has confided to him the reason for her recent moodiness. She made no effort to paint herself as the wronged party, nor did she try to rationalize or justify kissing Kerry in front of her staff, knowing full well that she'd effectively outed Kerry against her will. Cap, wisely, has refrained from judging either of them. Instead, his manner toward her is as a father's might be with a daughter whose heart is breaking. He orders Sandy, with stern words gently spoken, to get the hell out of the firestation and go home -- by way of the Moose and Squirrel. But Sandy can endure only a single round of drinks there before the other firefighter's well-intentioned questions drive her back out into the night.

9:22 PM

Sandy sits in her darkened apartment nursing both a beer and a rare moment of self-pity. She thinks to ask God, "Why me?" but she hates the self-importance implicit in the question. Her best efforts to rephrase the question though have only resulted in "Why me again?". Her mother's voice -- "Life isn't fair, baby girl." No kidding. She stares at the stuffed bear perched on the ottoman between her feet. A red satin heart is clutched between its paws, the words "I Love You" embroidered across it. Sandy nudges it gently with her foot. The bear - and the heart - tumble to the floor.


11:41 PM

Kerry is picturing the empty room. There is nothing here but darkness -- no thoughts, no longing, no regrets. She feels herself beginning to drift to that place between sleep and wakefulness. Soon, as on previous nights, she feels the presence of another in this room that should be completely empty -- empty of everything and everyone, including herself. But she is so tired.... so tired. She does not awaken this time. She stays...

The room is no longer dark. Blurred shapes and colors solidify into walls, furniture, drapes, a fireplace. The contours of the mattress beneath her change and she feels the familiar lumps of the foldout bed against her shoulders, her back, her buttocks. The presence she is sensing moves closer and a face swims into focus. A cascade of brown curls delicately frames the beautiful face. Her skin is the color of rich caramel, her lips full and slightly parted. And those eyes, oh god, those eyes...She is above Kerry...she is on her. Their legs tangle, their hips press together. She pushes her hands against the mattress on either side of Kerry's shoulders and raises herself, revealing breasts so achingly beautiful that Kerry cannot resist the urge to reach out and caress them. Kerry cups first one and then the other breast in her hands -- hand and breast fit together as if by design. She lightly runs her thumbs across each mahogany areola and they pucker, and the nipples harden, under her touch. Kerry raises her head from the pillow and takes one of the erect nipples between her lips...

Memory has become dream and dream, in this moment, reality. Sandy is here. Kerry cannot hear the hum of the digital clock over the sound of Sandy's breath near her ear. She cannot feel the stream of hot tears that run down both cheeks, past her earlobes to her throat--she feels only Sandy's moist lips on her face. She is not aware of her hand moving down her abdomen, under the elastic waistband of her pyjamas, beneath her cotton panties, and coming to rest on the downy triangle between her legs. The pressure of her hand is the weight of Sandy's hips on hers. Kerry slowly, rhythmically begins to move her hips against her hand. Sandy moans in response....

Kerry runs her hands along the length of the muscular back until they reach the firm buttocks, where she presses down, pushing Sandy hard against her as she grinds her own pelvis upward. She feels Sandy resist the pressure and pull away.'t stop... Sandy whispers, "Cariño...shhhh..." as she slides down the length of Kerry's body, her nipples lightly brushing Kerry's skin, tracing a path along her belly, her thighs. Kerry feels Sandy gently part her legs, feels her warm breath and lips against the tender flesh on the insides of her thighs... feels her mouth on her now...her fingers...

Kerry's head thrusts hard into her pillow and her back arches up from the mattress as convulsive waves of orgasm course through her. Yet even before the spasms have subsided she can feel Sandy rushing away from her, can feel Sandy's apartment recede as her own bedroom reasserts itself. Kerry presses her hand hard against herself as if in prolonging her climax she might pull Sandy back. But it's too late. She opens her eyes and tears make focusing difficult. The green glow of the alarm clock's digital display casts eerie shadows across the room. Kerry turns to look at the clock.

12:07 AM

Kerry pushes her face into her pillow, presses the edges up around her ears. Her sobs are inaudible against the low electric hum of the clock. In time, tears give way to fitful, exhausted sleep, but the numerals '2:10' will reflect in mirror image on the surface of red-rimmed, sleepless eyes.



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